Many of us have been there- the passion is explosive at the beginning, the energy is there at every moment, and you`re all he wants. He lets you know at every turn that he’s excited about you, and he can’t wait to see where this goes. He’s reassuring and makes it a point to let you know that you can trust him. Just release yourself to him and let the butterflies fluttering around your stomach keep you there.
He asks you to be his girlfriend and you say, “yes.” Things are all good for a short while until he forgets that you are his girlfriend. He no longer treats you special nor does he treat you like you exist. He switched up shortly- or even immediately- after you become official. Why is that? Why is he acting significantly different than he was before? You think, “Is it my fault?”
I`m here to tell you that it was never your fault- it was his.
What`s Going On?
Many men have a complex that allows them to believe that they are the golden snitch; they are the prize and you are lucky to find him and win the game. However, many of those men see you as a prize, but in a different way. You were a conquest- he intended on beating the game that was your relationship status, and he wanted nothing more than to be the one to come out on top. He did whatever he had to so that he could win you over.
Then he showed you who he was.
He didn’t really want to be with you. He might`ve seen you as physically attractive, but he probably didn`t want to be a boyfriend. He had an agenda, and you had to suffer for it. His words and his actions no longer match how they were before you became a couple, and you started to worry. Don`t question yourself if you remained the same as you were from the beginning; his lack of consistency was his plan regardless of your actions.
Signs That He`s Not Into You
1. He Stops Being Consistent with His Communication
When you started dating, he made it a habit of texting or calling you every day. You might’ve gotten daily good morning texts and you wished each other “goodnight” every night. The two of you communicated, whether for a few minutes out of the day or had full conversations, all the time. You could expect him to think about you often based on how much he wanted to talk to you.
Unfortunately, his messages and calls started to dwindle after you become official. He texts less and you go from talking daily, to every other day, to maybe a couple of times a week. The consistency is gone, and you`re starting to question if it was something that you said or did that pushed him away. But then you think back at the past interactions and notice that you said nothing wrong.
Sis, it’s not you- it’s him.
2. You Argue Often
Arguments are normal. There can be disagreements on small things throughout your relationship. However, the two of you argue often, and you begin to wonder what went wrong. The arguments are repetitive, there seems to be no end to them, and they tend not to make any sense. You question what you are really arguing about and why. You question where these arguments stemmed from and how they are affecting the relationship. What is the purpose of constantly arguing with someone you care about?
Healthy arguments are small and don’t come up multiple times. If your argument lasts past the day that it initially occurred, then you should be concerned. Your arguments also shouldn’t lead to harming the other person, whether emotionally, physically, or mentally. Your arguments shouldn’t lead to harm or else there are bigger issues to the relationship than you thought.
3. He Gaslights You
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that makes you question your sanity. You realize that he`s gaslighting you when he`s constantly lying to you and acts like he’s being honest despite you being aware that he isn’t telling you the truth. He uses your trust against you- you told him what hurts you, the things that happened in your past, and your insecurities to make you feel insignificant. He projects his issues and faults onto you, and you start to rethink yourself instead of questioning his own actions.
The stability of your relationship is up in arms. You are always confused about the direction that the relationship is going and how you should feel about yourself. He took the attention away from himself and made you think that you`re the problem. I promise you that what he`s doing is making you believe that the bad guy is you. If he cared about you like you care about him, he wouldn’t be manipulating you.
4. He Makes Social Media a Problem
If you are someone who is regularly active on Instagram and you frequent Twitter on the daily, social media content matters to you. You like to post about your life and those who are close to you. That means posting about your relationship… which is something that he has a problem with.
You ask him to take pictures with you and he refuses. You say you want to post cute couple pictures and you ask him to post about you to show that he cares. He declines and says that social media is “not a big deal.” You become upset, but he doesn’t care. He says that you are overreacting. He doesn’t like your pictures nor comments on them, but he is all over the posts of other women. The worst part? Those women look nothing like you. Now you are concerned, self-conscious, and insecure. And he doesn’t care.
You voice your feelings and his reaction isn’t ideal. You think that he isn’t attracted to you, and he stops complimenting you like he did in the past. Now you wonder if he liked you at all. Now you`re feeling less than, and your spirit can’t take the downturn that the relationship took so suddenly.
What Now?
Realize that the reason why he’s acting this way has nothing to do with you. You did nothing to deserve being treated poorly. Unfortunately, he never actually liked you. If he did, he would treat you like you matter to him. There is no love nor attraction through these issues he brought into the relationship.
How should you respond after realizing the truth about your boyfriend who doesn’t want to be your boyfriend? Leave him. I know that this is easy to say, but it will be better for you if you moved on to someone who actually likes you. You deserve to be in a relationship that serves you instead of brings you down. Sis, please take care of yourself and your heart.
